People of all ages struggle with insecurities that allow them to live a life of limits. In this day and age it can be very easy to look at the things you see as flaws and criticize yourself, especially with all the images we see on social media, magazines etc.
I’ve definitely been there and I’d like to share a little story about this time in my life.
(Side note: This post was inspired by something I found in one of my old notebooks, from a couple of years ago.)
Although I didn’t necessarily grow up in a Christian household I have always known and loved Jesus. My heart just simply gravitated towards Him ever since I was a little girl. My older sister (and the only Christian in my household at the time) would take me with her to church every chance she could and I always seemed to be captivated by the worship. I started frequently going to church at around 8 and left at the start of high school, at around 13 or 14.
When I came back to Jesus in 2012 I realized that I had a lot that I had to deal with. I had grown very insecure and had some trouble loving on myself. I loved to criticize myself and pay detailed attention to what I saw as flaws. I have always been “too skinny” and hated the remarks and comments that came along with that so I grew very self conscious of my body and eating habits because of it, I laugh and smile way too much and my face has tattooed the mark of my smile with smile wrinkles that I absolutely detested, and I completely avoided wearing ponytails or pushing my hair back as much as I could because I was super self conscious of my ears. These were just a few of the things that I carried with me.
My insecurities found a way to creep up on my everyday life and I was living with so much bondage because of it.
One night my 5 AM Thoughts awoke me and after tossing and turning for what seemed like forever I came to realize that God wanted to talk to me. A little annoyed, super tired, but overall curious I sat up on my bed and listened and… NOTHING HAPPENED. I sat in silence for about 15 minutes fighting sleep and beginning to get very curious of what God wanted to speak to me about and how.
Nothing happened. And I ended up falling back asleep.
That night I had what I thought was a pointless dream. I dreamt of going to Build A Bear, I know that’s pretty random. In this dream I was a little girl, jumpy and overall excited. This was a HUGE deal to me. I walked into the castle like store and knew exactly what to do. First, I picked my Bears’ heart. I rubbed it, hugged it, kissed it, held it close to my chest and whispered a few sweet words. I had barely started but I loved the bear already. Next I picked out the kind of stuffed animal I wanted. I pondered through the options… Rabbit, dog, cat, bear, but it wasn’t really that hard. I got my bear and had to stuff and stitch it, placing the heart and other gimmicks inside. I laid my bear down at the fluffing table, where I combed and fluffed it’s hair, because it had to be perfect. I chose it’s clothing and accessories and most importantly NAMED IT. I bought it and it instantly became even more special to me because I played a role in creating that bear and bringing it to life. I stood back and looked at it with so much excitement.
The next morning as I awoke and thought about my dream, I suddenly saw God in it. Let me explain.
This is what I wrote that morning …
“God fashioned you and I.
We are so beyond irreplaceable.
He delighted in you!
You were created by HIS hands and stamped with His love.
Just like Build A Bear.
He starts by carefully building and framing the heart. He places every vessel, vein and artery with care, shapes the aeorta and positions each ventricle in the perfect place.
And as He finishes only the heart He holds it close to His chest, kisses it and envisions the rest of His creation. He whispers sweet words, deposits gifts, talents and PURPOSE. He carefully forms the body (from the head to the bottom of the feet) giving special attention to detail; the texture and length of your hair, the pigment and feel of your skin, the length of your arms and legs.
He stuffs your organs, veins, blood, brain etc and stitches your tissues and skin. At the “fluffing table” you are perfected. He takes the time out to design the swirls and lines that make up your very own unique fingerprint and delights himself in intertwining the strands of your DNA. He chooses the color of your hair and eyes. He passionately and adequately paints your every birthmark, your smile wrinkles, dimples or freckles. He brushes and combs each hair on your head, eyebrows, eyelashes. Next he chooses your clothing and accessories. He chooses your strengths, your quirks, your passions and then NAMES YOU! You’re His child, royalty nonetheless. He already bought you… With the blood of His son.
So he takes a step back (I’d like to think he jumps up and down in excitement) His eyes sparkle as he looks at his masterpiece and whispers “Mine”. ”
This opened my eyes to a greater truth. The God of the heavens and earth thought I was a pretty BIG deal.
It shed light on the way God saw (and still sees) me and the flaws that I loved to criticize. I realized that God made me (and all my “flaws”) ON PURPOSE. These are the things that make me unique. These are the things that he took His time and formed in detail. He delighted in me and in the very things I was using to bring myself down.
I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling and made a decision to embark on a journey towards loving myself and believing the truth about the way God created me.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”
Psalms 139:13-15 ESV
We are wonderfully and fearfully made, let’s practice being nicer to ourselves.
Instead of pointing out your flaws, make a list of all the things you love about yourself (this can be very hard for some of us). Ask God to show you how he sees you, write it down and put it somewhere where you can constantly read over it to remind yourself that YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
– You are an absolute masterpiece
– Your flaws are some of his most intricate work
– He took his time creating you and still stands back in awe of such beauty
– Be nicer to yourself.
– Remind yourself of all the things you LOVE about yourself instead of mentioning the “flaws” that you hate.