Today I thought I’d share a poem I wrote years ago. I stumble upon this baby every so often and whenever I do so it comes just in time.
Before i actually share it, Let me tell you a bit about my December.
It was a weird one (I’m talking about it like if the month is over haha)
Is it possible to be both in the Holiday Spirit and wanting to crawl under a rock at once? Because that is so accurately how I felt.
A lot of the month’s energy went into over thinking; allowing my thoughts, emotions and anxiousness to consume me. I spent most of the month battling with my thoughts and willingly boarding a nauseating roller coaster ride (& if you know me you know I HATE roller coasters).
And in the midst of my frustration I find a crumbled beat up piece of paper.
You know the comfort you feel when you realize someone understands your current situation? This is exactly how I felt as soon as I read the first few words.
(18 year old me definitely understands 23 year old me)
When these words find their way back to me, it’s always at the right time. They remind me that I’ve been at this battlefield before, that I’ve fought against my own thoughts and WON but most importantly that Jesus met me there (I’ve never had to fight alone). They remind me that he tore down the walls that kept me imprisoned in my mind and brought peace and that it is POSSIBLE again and again and again and again.
I’m Human. I’m Flawed. I forget.
And so I am so thankful that Jesus shows up in little things like this to remind me that He is still in control, that He is still able to break down maze walls, that he can reach into the depths of me and rearrange my space. I am only required one thing, to trust. & finding him faithful time after time my heart is driven to worship.
He comes to remind you the same today.
Sometimes you’re at war with your thoughts and you have to wake up everyday and fight against them. But you aren’t fighting alone and you are most definitely not fighting a new battle. This is normal. This has happened before. AND better yet it has been overcome.
So take a minute to stop, surrender the thoughts, trust, and live to worship.
This too shall be conquered.
Thoughts roaming, time withering away
Stuck in a cloud of emotions
But whenever I talk there’s nothing to say
So I’ll just lay here and expand
these clouds holding the thoughts
that surround me.
I’m a prisoner in my mind
Trying to dodge, trying to hide
But there’s no use
that only seems to elongate the ride.
I’m Jumping over hurdles, climbing over walls
Questions without answers
Statements that are false
Is it true?
What’s real and what isn’t ?
I’m trying to escape but the lies surround me
Trying to figure out where I stand and where I wanna be
And THAT’S WHEN I RAN INTO YOU
OR you ran into me … Im not sure
My mind it …. It’s such a maze
But you reached into my thoughts
Stepped in rearranged, took fear and for your love exchanged
& so im left amazed
You Took down the walls to my maze.
Loved me fully and filled me with your grace
And so I worship you
I live for your embrace
Yes I do
I live to worship you.