I almost didn’t write this post.
I almost didn’t write it because the truth is that sometimes I am afraid of how my imperfections may disqualify me from certain things, in this case from sharing with you guys. But I realized that if OGR is ever going to be the SAFE SPACE that I pray for it to be then it has to start with me not being afraid to be vulnerable with y’all.
I’m allowing you guys into the messy thoughts in my brain because I understand that you can stand on the victories that I have conquered BUT you can also help me walk into the ones that I have not.
That’s what COMMUNITY is all about
and what I want OGR to be; a tribe of people walking with each other through the hills and valleys.
So here it is…
Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to face the hard stuff, I don’t want to be the bigger person, I don’t want to go the extra mile, I don’t want to be mature,
I don’t want to step out of my comfort, I don’t want to love because loving people can hurt.
I just don’t want to!
I know that this post probably contradicts everything that I say… about how we must love and give grace and be uncomfortable and all that good stuff.
But the truth is that that stuff takes work and energy and strength and bravery
honestly sometimes I just seem to wake up with NONE of that.
Those days are the hardest, they seem to want to come against everything I know to be true and stand for. They make me feel like I’m fighting with myself and going back and forth between my thoughts. Days like these make me crazy, it feels like I am standing at BOTH extremes of a situation (meaning that I can feel both super hopeful and ridiculously anxious at once).
Those days I have to constantly remind myself
“He made a way”
“You can and you will”
“This too shall be conquered”
“You’ll be better and stronger and wiser after today”
I have to constantly redirect my mind and spirit and point them to Him, regardless of what I’m feeling. Those days I must make a choice to walk with the opposite mindset of what is currently unfolding in my thoughts already.
TOUGH DAYS SUCK!
I’m learning to charge at them with full force, to be real with myself and admit when it’s too tough to handle on my own (because sometimes I think I’m Super Woman).
I’m reminded that
Tough days build character.
Growth happens here.
In His garden there is Grace and there are Roses but there is also GROWTH if you let it be. Choosing growth looks like battling it out on those tough days because you know that walking those moments out will lead to your blossoming moments.
Bloom Baby, Bloom!